Posted by Eliza on: 05.09.2006 /
The majority of us lead quiet, unheralded lives as we pass through this world. There will most likely be no ticker-tape parades for us, no monuments created in our honor.
But that does not lessen our possible impact, for there are scores of people waiting for someone just like us to come along; people who will appreciate our compassion, our unique talents. Someone who will live a happier life merely because we took the time to share what we had to give.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have a potential to turn a life around. It’s overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities there are to make our love felt.
by Leo Buscaglia, Ph. D. (as quoted at Random Acts of Kindness Foundation)
Background information on Leo Buscaglia:
Wikipedia entry
Vibrant Universe
What’s the kindest, most unexpected thing anyone has done for you? Especially, anyone outside your immediate family? What did it mean for you?
Or, what’s the kindest thing you have done for someone outside your immediate family, who didn’t expect it? How did it come about, and how did it go over?
Comment by: skikid
1I had had a really rough, down right crappy day and I was setting up for a program at Church but I guess I looked really exhausted. One of my good friends snuck up on me and gave me a huge bear hug (it was really more like a tackle). It was just really sincere and said ‘no matter how crappy the day has been you are loved’. ITs not super huge but it meant a lot at the time.
Comment by: Marty
2Buscaglia came to Santa Barbara some years ago (he is now dead). After his lecture people lined up to greet and get a hug from him. The line was so long that I went away for a half an hour or so and came back - the line was still very long. Buscaglia to time to deeply connect with each person that stood in line to greet him. The most memorable moment was when a severly handicapped woman worked her way up to greet him with a bouquet of flowers for him. I wish I could describe the love in his eyes for her, the tear. It was one of the most poignant things I have observed in my life. The line ended about two hours after he completed his speech.
Comment by: Eliza
3The power of a hug…whether from a close friend or a ~stranger with whom you have some sense of connection…
Comment by: Jim Henderson
4Speaking of hugging- did you ever see or read about the woman from India (there I go again) who is a guru of sorts. All she does is let people line up and she hugs them. Now that would be an interesting model for helping people get thru the day wouldn’t it
Comment by: Lisa W.
5This makes me think of the years I spent working in nursing homes when I was younger. I’d have 30some ‘grandparents’ to care for. The main thing we needed to do for them besides physical care was to touch them…often. Many could not even visually connect but they still needed touch. I always figured that a little lipstick on the ladies didn’t hurt either. :)
Comment by: Lisa W.
6This is actually a huge thing:
Years ago when my daughter was 3 or 4 I owned a toystore. She was my R&D person. One day she was trying out a pogostick with my assistance when I lost hold of her and she fell straight back and hit her head on a cement floor. It was horrific. Some people left the store immediately. I thought this was to just get out of the way. About 20 minutes later two ladies came back into the store. “We’ve been in our car praying for your daughter. Is she okay?” I was stunned that strangers would rush to help in this way. I am forever grateful and will always remember how these two strangers went into action for another. It was a helpless situation. I wonder how an atheist would have felt in this moment; what they would have done in response….
Comment by: Marty
7Lisa - I think it is lovely that these two ladies did what they did - but my guess is that Atheists would have done everything in their power to try and find something to do to be helpful in that moment - as I think/hope I would have done.
Comment by: Lisa W.
8BTW - Eliza,I just love the quote you chose by Leo.
Comment by: TXatheist
9Lisa W.
How did this help at all?
Comment by: TXatheist
10I’m ex-military with CPR and mouth to mouth certifications(I’m also secure in my heterosexuality) and a older gentleman collapsed at a Jim’s restaurant(similar to Denny’s or Ihop) and the wife began to scream. The restaurant was in a state of shock. I jumped from the inside position of the booth, leaped over my brother-in-law and checked for breathing and a pulse. They were both very weak so I didn’t start any action. Cell phones do have a good purpose in restaurants, other than to annoy your dinner. The phone people went into action. I monitored his pulse on his neck and wrist, mostly wrist, and watched his breathing. It was faint but there for the next 4-5 minutes. The wife began to calm down as I explained he was breathing but not conscious. The ambulance arrived and when I backed off the lady gave me a very dirty look. I don’t understand that to this day but I don’t regret my actions for one second.
What actions am I grateful for? Everything people do in an unselfish way. When guys like George Clooney speak up against Darfur I realize that it could easily be me, but they have the glamour of hollywood to use and also be ridiculed for. I don’t think most people/celebrities do it for the attention but the act of giving. It may give someone a sense of happiness but that just means more than 1 person benefits from their deed.
Comment by: Lisa W.
11TX - it helped both me and the ladies in this way:
It helped me in knowing that someone was trying to help in a spiritual way knowing that there was nothing in a physical way to be done. (I had to just hold my daughter and wait) It probably helped the ladies in that they felt they were able to do something to hopefully intercede in the situation.
Whether the prayer actually effected the outcome is not known.
Comment by: TXatheist
12If I ever fall and hurt my head I don’t want anyone praying since “it may not actually effect the outcome”, I’d rather have someone apply direct pressure and secure my neck/head from moving.
Comment by: Lisa W.
13Tx- ok.
Comment by: Ir
14What’s happened to me recently which was totally unexpected is the kindness and respect the Off-The-Map website team (Jim, Lisa and Winn) have shown me.
And I’m not saying that just because this is the Off-The-Map website. ;)
This was the first place online - and one of the first places anywhere - where I started to be more honest about where my beliefs/nonbeliefs are at.
Many of the people who post regularly in the comments section here and on the discussion board have been supportive (I was nervous that any Bible-believing Christians here might be judgmental rather than supportive) and I appreciate that too.
Comment by: Ir
15Lisa, I understand what you’re saying. Everything practical was being done that could be done already (you said) and two complete strangers cared enough to take time to pray for you and your daughter.
People who know us and are willing to help us often need to be asked/reminded that we need help.
So it’s huge when people who don’t even know us, who owe us nothing, decide to help us in some way or other, without being asked, because they saw we had some sort of need.
Comment by: Lisa W.
16Ir,
thanks for mirroring back what I was trying to value in the pogostick incident.
Comment by: Ir
17You’re welcome, Lisa.
Comment by: Julie Marie
18As a new mother, I was unprepared for the onslaught of hormones post delivery, and truly shocked that I wasn’t just awash in the golden glow of new motherhood. I felt anxious, lonely, and incompetent. Pushing the stroller around the block, I’d look down at my new baby - hoped for and dreamed of for over 15 years and most definitely wanted, and burst into tears because now every single decision I would ever make would affect him, so I’d better get them all right. And I didn’t confine my tears to just myself either: I’d start thinking about those pioneer women of long ago who gave birth on the praries and empathize with their isolation too, and that would get me rolling all over again…I was a mess for a few weeks. A neighbor I know only in passing came over to see the baby, looked at me and said, so gently, and so kindly and with such empathic understanding: “it does get better.” I soooo needed to hear that, and clung to that comment, and built upon it: yes, yes, it must get better, otherwise no one would ever have more than one….and of course, it did get better :)
A little thing I did that seemed to mean alot to a different neighbor: she has a traditional relationship (stay at home wife, does all cooking) and she was schedled for a colonoscopy. So I figured she wouldn’t feel up to making dinner for her hubby and brought her a meal. She was so thankful and touched because that just isn’t done where she comes from (Sweden). Made me feel good to make her feel good. :)
Comment by: Jim Henderson
19I am always amazed, appreciative and in awe when I sense that someone is truly interested in me and listening?
For my money that is one of the greatest acts of kindness we can deliver to anyone anywhere
Comment by: Eliza
20Sounds like noticing and acknowledging some one else’s situation, what they’re going through or what they have to say, and supporting them in a very basic way (meal, touch, prayer, listening ear) can go a long way. In some situations this may be, or may include, tangible help, and in others it may be intangible, but either way it can come across as kind, and memorable…
Comment by: TXatheist
21Jim,
Can you address the question in the Eliza is the quest blogger comments? I am interested to know if you are listening.
Comment by: Ir
22Julie Marie, this is a great example of why it’s worth doing that seemingly small thing for someone else. We never know how much it might mean to them.
That was very kind of you. I always think making meals for others is a wonderfully practical way to help them out in a time of need. I’m impressed by people who do that because I find it challenging enough taking care of making meals for my own family. I definitely do not have the gift of ‘making meals for families in need’!
Yes indeed. Me too.
I think I mentioned this on the blog once before: occasionally I visit an old lady who is in a nursing home. She’s not related to me; I met her a few years ago in the restroom lounge at church where she used to like to sit Sunday morning. I used to say ‘hi’ and chat to her a bit, to be friendly. Most people just walked straight by and ignored her, which I found interesting. A few others did talk to her though.
(True story: I got in trouble once for taking her some snacks from a Sunday School class which I didn’t attend because they said “These are only for this class!” After that I only took them from the class I went to)
She was independently living then but now is in a state-financed nursing home due to medical costs using up all her savings. So I visit her from time to time (I should go again) because she really appreciates it. Another lady from that church - to her credit - does a lot for this lady in the nursing home. She buys her clothes and takes her out for the day to her home regularly and particularly on special occasions so she won’t be alone in the nursing home (Christmas, etc). She even took her to her son’s wedding. She arranged for her to be in that nursing home instead of a different one which was worse. She also is not related to her. She just cares. I’m sure she does it for Jesus. Whatever the reason it impresses me a lot.
Comment by: Julie Marie
23I agree; it doesn’t matter why someone cares enough to act. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if the exhibitions of care were so common that when we encounter it we wouldn’t be surprised?
Comment by: Eliza
24It sounds like this is what Leo Buscaglia wrote about, taught, and encouraged. Interesting person - I’d only just heard his name before, now want to read more of what he wrote and was about.
Comment by: Lisa W.
25TX - your question on “eliza intro” has been answered.
Comment by: Lisa W.
26Julie Marie: wow.
Comment by: Peter in Pennsylvania
27As a pastor (not a “lead” but an associate”) I have some awesome “interruptions” in my days all the time. A fellow comes by today who is having a terribly hard time. He has a lot of challenges, but the bottom line is that he worries all the time about everything, about money, about the future, everything… So he comes in and describes (again… I’ve heard some of this before) everything. He just needs somebody to tell him that worrying won’t help and (sorry about this) someone to just spend a few minutes listening and praying with him. (yes… and give him a hug…)
Did it make me feel better? Yeah, a little… Did it make him feel better? I think so… It might have been all he needed to keep going today…
I was honored….
Comment by: Jim Henderson
28I know the feeling - it is like sitting with God for me (or how I imagine it)
Comment by: Eliza
29What a great thing, that people can seek you out and sit to talk and pray and even get a hug. It sounds like a great comfort for them, and an offered kindness that gives back to you too.
Comment by: Eliza
30Ir (and Jim, Lisa, and Winn) - that’s wonderful :)
Comment by: Jim Henderson
31I read today that “conversations are the key to change” - Thats why I believe in keeping the conversation going and in the small and even brief interactions we experience on this blog and in real life.
Jesus said something that inspired OTM into existence about 10 years ago. He said “if you, give a cup of cold water to a little child, because you are my disciple (apprentice), you won’t lose your reward.
It is this kind of saying that is at the center of my Jesus movie- The small,invisible, seemingly inconsequential and yet very doable acts of kindness and service are what I think of as connecting, loving and serving. I’m sure that people get inspired to do these kinds of things for all sorts of reasons and from all sorts of sources. It just so happened that I heard Jesus talking about this and observed him doing it that got me thinking about the power of what we have now come to call “free attention give aways”
Thanks for being interested in the small and invisible it truly is where the action is
Comment by: Julie Marie
32Wow TX, I really admire men of action. Good for you!
Comment by: Julie Marie
33I remembered an incident from my past that impressed me. I volunteered for a few years at a St. Vincent DePaul store up in the Adirondack Mts 20 years ago. There is much poverty in the Adirondacks. When people found out there was a well stocked thrift store and a woman there who didn’t count items or change, they started coming in with large empty garbage bags and filling them. Since the store was always overstocked, I didn’t mind. And, incidentally, a woman who lived by the church, who was not a believer, volunteered her time fixing up the donations - repairing zippers, adding buttons, etc., because the church had helped her and her children in a material way years ago. Anyways, the parish priest voiced some disapproval of the loose way the “store” was run. Dee, a Litte Sister of Charity, gently corrected his thinking by telling him if reselling these clothes at a yard sale was how a family supported itself, then the mission of mercy was successful. I was so proud of her for that - and I was proud of the preist too, b/c he admitted her way of thinking about it was the better way.
Comment by: Ir
34That’s an awesome example, TX!
I’m sorry the lady gave you a dirty look. Maybe she misunderstood somehow that what you did was the best course of action.
Comment by: Eliza
35I just saw a patient a minute ago, a 59 year old lady. She was telling me how awful her experience in the Emergency Room was last week - this went wrong, they didn’t do that, etc. Aha moment when she finished by saying, “And you know the worst thing? Not one person smiled at me. Not one doctor, not one nurse.” (I was empathetic, and I think I smiled… ;) )
I did a pelvic exam as part of our visit, then before leaving the room I moved the kleenex box closer to her and told her she could use them to wipe with (I’d used lubricant for part of the exam, standard). She thanked me and said, “You know, no-one has ever offered me something to clean myself with after a pelvic exam before.”
Those little things…!
Comment by: TXatheist
36Thanks Eliza ever so much for sharing the pelvic exam thing. Care to tell us how your fellow coworker the proctologist is doing today with his patients?:)
Comment by: Eliza
37You’re welcome, TX…were you eating lunch, by chance? ;)
Comment by: Ir
38TX cover your eyes and don’t read the following: Eliza, I was just wishing someone had offered me kleenex after those types of exams!
Comment by: NCxian
39Eliza said
I have a friend who is familiar with a lot of medical malpractice cases. He says that the primary complaint he hears is that, when it becomes apparent that somebody has screwed up, the patient is completely shut off. Nobody talks with them, nobody hears their fears, nobody says to them, “well, that wasn’t good, let’s work together to see if we can fix that”. Nada.
This is not a diatribe against medical folks, because I am sure there are lots of mistakes made that are worked out to the patient’s satisfaction. It is just to agree with your point, Eliza, that in all areas of human interaction, communication and caring–human connectedness–is a very large deal.