Posted by Siamang on: 08.24.2007 /
News comes from Time Magazine about Mother Teresa’s private correspondence where she doubed even the existence of God.
Jesus has a very special love for you. As for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great that I look and do not see, listen and do not hear.
- Mother Teresa to the Rev. Michael Van Der Peet, September 1979
This is a point of view that, frankly, does not surprise me. I doubt the existence of God. I would expect other people, even people in ministry to question or doubt at least occasionally. And yet as institutions, Churches often take a hard-line tack and proclaim that even things as mundane as the common cavendish banana are lock-solid proof of the existence of God.
I hope this book opens the conversation of faith and doubt into something more nuanced and descriptive of the subtleties of the internal spiritual life of human beings.
Says the Rev. James Martin:
“Everything she’s experiencing,” he says, “is what average believers experience in their spiritual lives writ large. I have known scores of people who have felt abandoned by God and had doubts about God’s existence. And this book expresses that in such a stunning way but shows her full of complete trust at the same time.” He takes a breath. “Who would have thought that the person who was considered the most faithful woman in the world struggled like that with her faith?” he asks. “And who would have thought that the one thought to be the most ardent of believers could be a saint to the skeptics?” Martin has long used Teresa as an example to parishioners of self-emptying love. Now, he says, he will use her extraordinary faith in the face of overwhelming silence to illustrate how doubt is a natural part of everyone’s life, be it an average believer’s or a world-famous saint’s.
Comment by: Ir (Helen)
1We saw that news last night - wow.
To me it sounds like she was depressed most of her life. And unfortunately, since she interpreted that as a spiritual failing or an inexplicable choice of Jesus to withhold himself from her, she never had access to treatment for it.
Comment by: Stephan
2I’ll take it one step further. Yes, I have doubts about whether or not God exists or that He loves me. Sometimes I rely on what other people tell me about how God speaks to them.
But then there is this thought in the back of my mind. Maybe the emperor has no clothes. Maybe we’re all just pretending to see God, trying to impress others, trying to make them think we are not the stupid ones.
But then I come back to my senses and remember the times God has spoken to me. I’m sure, even in her doubt, Mother Teresa could see that as well. God does speak. I can’t always hear it, either because He isn’t always speaking, or because I am not always listening. But if I were to forget those times that I have felt close to Him, it would be easy to fall away the rest of the time.
Comment by: Ir (Helen)
3I feel sorry for her because to me what’s just been revealed shows deep unhappiness and loneliness that she hid from others out of loyalty to Jesus. To me that makes her a saint as much as anything else she ever did - because it’s hard to hide such things and because her motive was not at all self-serving; but I also think it’s very sad she didn’t perceive herself to have other options.
Comment by: Stephan
4How do you know she did not perceive herself to have other options? Maybe she considered those options every day and decided not to pursue them.
Not everyone who considers leaving faith actually has to do it. Some people have doubts, see where they lead, and decide that what they have is better than what they might be missing.
Comment by: Rachel
5I also read that MT asked for her correspondence to be destroyed but that the Catholic Church said no. So that gives me some new respect for the RCC because they chose to be honest about her faith crisis, when they could have buried the letters and preserved her public image.
Helen, I feel the same way you described - filled with admiration for her faithfulness in serving in spite of her doubts, but also sadness that she could not express herself more authentically. IMO, she would have been more likely to find answers and a sense of peace if she had not felt forced to hide her struggles.
Comment by: Siamang
6I just think this helps me see her as more of a person than an icon…. which is good in my opinion. I think people need to know that they can do good without being a perfect saint.
Comment by: Westy
7I definitely appreciate the release of these documents. Honesty and truth show the power of faith. The bottom line to me is that she had doubts, but she chose to believe.
So many of us have doubts, but that is not irreconcilable with belief. This is very remindful of what St. John of the Cross termed the “dark night of the soul”. This can be such a powerful stage of our spiritual growth.
Comment by: Ir (Helen)
8Stephan, I didn’t mean the other option was abandoning her faith.
I meant something more along the lines of getting the help which is recommended for people who are depressed.
Comment by: Stephan
9Helen, thanks for the clarification.
From what I have seen her writing is similar to some of the feelings expressed in the Psalms, and David (or whoever wrote them) was also clinically depressed by today’s standards.
I saw something else on this over at Andrew Sullivan’s blog. I love his response, taken from his book The Conservative Soul. For what it’s worth, I greatly enjoy Andrew’s blog.
Comment by: Laura M.
10I think Helen was very clear about what she meant.
As for myself, I think it’s sad that dealing with doubt and or depression and being truthful about it could be interpreted by some, for whom faith seems to be central to their beliefs about God, as a falling away from God.
If this is the case, those experiencing depression may fear the repercussions of seeking treatment.
Comment by: Ir (Helen)
11Stephan, yes, I see what you mean about the Psalms. Perhaps it’s a matter of degree; everyone has bad days and difficult times, but if it turns out that Mother Theresa felt acute loneliness and unhappiness for decades, then to me that sounds like depression. On the other hand, even if she was depressed, it was evidently was not so serious she couldn’t function.
Laura, I’m encouraged by things I’ve read about Christians and depression in recent years. I think more Christians today consider it to be an illness rather than a spiritual failing, than used to be the case. I think people inside and outside the church fear the repercussions of seeking treatment for depression, often for good reason - which is unfortunate, because it probably causes them unnecessary suffering.
Comment by: Mike O
12I have a couple of thoughts on this, too. Sorry for chiming in so late.
First of all, look at what she immersed herself in … death, poverty, disease, injustice and more than we can even imagine. The people she ministered to did not get healed, they died. The disease did not go away. The injustice was not made just.
Ever.
How could anyone live like that and not be, as Helen calls it, “depressed.” The fact that she could do that for her entire life and never stop tells me she was NOT depressed, she was called. Yes, she had doubts, but she was still clear enough about why she was here that that’s all she could bring herself to do … comfort the lowest of the low.
I heard a message on this one time called “Why did he say that?” It was about John the Baptist, when he was in prison about to die, he sent his disciples to Jesus and had them ask this question …
In John’s WHOLE LIFE, he only preached ONE MESSAGE … Jesus is the one who was to come. And now he asks, “Are you? Really???”
Why did he say that? The message I heard, and I think this fits exactly what happened with Mother Teresa, was that the problem was this - he had spent his whole life saying Jesus was the way, but he never got to actually see any of it for himself. All he ever got was prison, ridicule, rejection. His own disciples even left him to follow Jesus - not a very “productive” ministry from his perspective, I’m sure. I mean, how would you feel if you were John? Giving your whole live for no reward whatsoever. And now here he is, at death’s door, and he’s completely spent. And what John really wants to know is, “Did it work? Was it worth it?”
A fair question, don’t you think?
And how did Jesus respond? With strong words of rage? Did he cast John off for his “lack of faith?” No! Jesus understood. Jesus’ response to John was this:
Tell John it worked!
Furthermore, Jesus said to others (after the messangers left),
He’s basically saying, “What did you expect? A saint? Well I’ll tell you this … John was a prophet. John was right.”
You could so easily exchange Mother Teresa for John the Baptist in this story and nothing would have to change! I believe Jesus says the same thing about Mother Teresa - “What did you expect, a saint?” I think she needed encouragement and she just needed to know if she mattered. Because from her perspective, she probably could only see the constant onslaught of death and disease. People she loved died constantly and she couldn’t fix any of it. To her, her life probably looked like one of continuous, total failure! It would to me! If I got the “results” she got, I would doubt after a while, too.
I think it’s compeletely reasonable that she had doubts. Who wouldn’t? And I admit that I too am surprised that she had them. But now I feel Jesus saying to me, “But what did you expect to see? A saint? I tell you she did exactly what she was called to do, just like John. She ran a good race and it was EXTREMELY difficult. I’m SOOO proud of her!”
I don’t think she was depressed at all. I think she was tired. I mean, sure, she was depressed in a reasonable way … like I said before, how could you live in that for that long, NEVER seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and not let it get to you? But clinically depressed?? I just don’t think so. But then again, I don’t know.
Comment by: Laura M.
13Mike, I didn’t find it surprising at all that Mother Teresa had doubts. Nor do I think that makes her any less of a saint. It seems to me only a foolish person would never have doubts.
I’m not sure why her doubts couldn’t have also caused her to become clinically depressed.(As an example, it’s easy to become depressed when people insist that you must believe something that you find it hard to believe. Or tell you that the only way to be a good person is to believe the very thing you doubt). It sounds as if you’re implying that if she had enough doubt to become that depressed, that would lesson her accomplishments.
If faith is a feeling, then faith isn’t a virtue. Actions are what count. And in that case I wonder why the actions of atheists don’t count as much simply because they don’t feel faith?
And if faith is a behavior, well that’s the thing, Mother Teresa behaved faithfully towards her fellow man, so I’m not sure why it would matter to anyone else if she did or did not have enough doubt about God to become clinically depressed.
Comment by: Mike O
14Well, I did, and it was dumb of me.
I couldn’t agree more!
I guess my point was, just because she may have been depressed wouldn’t point to a biological issue. Look at her world … that would depress the healthiest of people. Maybe I’m just getting caught up in semantics … can “clinical depression” be caused by surroundings? I didn’t think so … I thought it was caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain? I readily admit that I DON’T know what I’m talking about. It just seems to me someone who was “clinically depressed” would never have been able to do what she did. But I say that under the assumption that environment cannot cause clinical depression.
Maybe it’s the word “clinically” that I’m getting stuck on.
Help??? Definitions, anyone??
Comment by: Laura M.
15I see what you’re saying. I think depression can be caused by a chemical imbalance, reactions to environment, and a combination of both. I don’t think it’s neccesarily either/or. I would imagine it goes back to genetics as to who is more susceptible, but I also imagine everyone has their breaking point.
It could be that faith had such an impact that despite the environment, she chose to have faith (behave faithfully despite excruciating doubt) when most people might have been overwhelmed.
The interesting question is , who did she have faith in, man or God? Does it matter?
Comment by: Ir (Helen)
16As best I know, depression is complex and not completely understood; it can be caused by a number of factors and how they interrelate. For example, maybe external factors could push a person over the edge who was already genetically disposed to it.
Since Mother Theresa was able to continue functioning, then if she was depressed it was only to a degree. It wasn’t like the clinical depression which renders people unable to function. Which I think is what Mike said.
Laura raises an interesting point that perhaps M. Theresa’s faith helped her not to be overwhelmed, if she was some what depressed.
Maybe I shouldn’t have raised the issue of depression, but that’s how I look at things; I don’t necessarily limit myself to the framing an article or author gives something; I like to consider all the possibilities.
Comment by: Randy
17Wow.
Late to the party, as usual.
Laura, I think you’re totally on target here regarding the faith thing. Faith is in fact not a feeling, but an action (this is the teaching of the entire Bible, as far as I can tell). It’s not about believing the right things or wishful thinking. It’s about placing your trust in something or someone to the point where you become fully dependent upon it or them for something. Like sitting in a chair, for example. We excercise biblical faith when we put our butts in a chair, placing our full weight on it. We don’t know beyond doubt that the chair will support us. We do some minor evaluation of the chair, maybe pull it back (feeling it’s weight and solid-ness), check it for gum on the seating area, then plop ourselves down on it (FAITH).
Faith, in the biblical sense anyway, doesn’t require the absence of doubt. Faith is, according to the writer of the book of Hebrews,
I LOVE the revelation that Mother Theresa had extreme doubts. And I am saddened, as Helen suggests, that she was not free to express them publicly in the context of her particular tradition.
But apparently she got to express them privately while she was alive. We should read these expressions with a degree of respect and admiration for someone who demonstrated most of her life what love looks like.
Thanks for letting me chime in.
Comment by: Mike O
18And you know what? Being in the spotlight as she was, IF she had been more open with her feelings, how could that POSSIBLY have worked for the better? There is wisdom in confiding in a select few, as any pastor can tell you. Besides, it’s nobody else’s business what struggles you have, as long as you have SOMEONE you can turn to.
Comment by: Siamang
19You know, Mike is right on this one. Mother Teresa was a person with a mind of her own. She wasn’t a prisoner. It was up to her to do whatever she wanted with her life.
I think that some of the stuff I’ve read in the media has been a bit too condescending in their view of Teresa… painting her as either a victim, a saint or a manipulator.
Jeez. She was a PERSON. She delt with her thoughts, her beliefs and her feelings the way she chose to.
Comment by: Brendon
20This article is very good
Comment by: Brendon
21This One