Posted by Mike O on: 06.26.2008 /
This will be the 1st in a (hopefully) five-part series. My wife is teaching a class at church about how people are unique, and each of us has certain things that we are naturally ‘geared’ for. While this is a Christian course whose purpose is to help people find their place in ministry, it occurs to me that everyone - not just Christians - can benefit from this kind of self-analysis. I honestly don’t know how well the material will apply in a non-Christian environment, so in that sense, this series is a bit experimental. Nevertheless, I’ll try to relay the material as best I can and we’ll see what happens. I hope you find it helpful.
The class is called S.H.A.P.E Workshop, and is based on the premise that there are five basic components that make up the kind of person you are today. They are:
S - Spiritual Gifts - Indicates what you are gifted for. This is related to, but different from abilities. For example, you may be good at working with wood - that would be an ability. An example of a spiritual gift would be the gift of “helps” - you have an innate desire to help people (the poor, or elderly, for example). (I’m not sure how well Spiritual Gifts will apply to non-C’s, but we can deal with that when we get to it. It will be interesting, if nothing else.)
H - Heart/Passion - The things you Love to do, or are passionate about. The Environment could be an example of a passion.
A - Abilities - What natural abilities do you happen to have? Carpentry, computer skills, or writing would be examples of abilities.
P - Personality - What kind of personality do you have. Are you driven (choleric) or passive (phlegmatic), thoughtful (melancholy) or playful (sanguine)? Most people are a mix.
E - Experiences - The things you have gone through in your life, good and bad, also figure into who you are today.
The idea of this class is to explore our Spiritual Gifts, Heart/Passion, Abilities, Personality, and Experiences, and your personal mix should help explain why you are the way you are, why you like (or hate) the things you do, what kinds of activities bring you fulfillment, etc.
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WEEK 1 - HEART/PASSION
In our first week, we tackled “heart/passion” rather than Spiritual Gifts, I think because it was a shorter section, and we also had the course introduction. So Spiritual Gifts will come later.
The underlying question that we tried to answer this week was, “What do I LOVE to do?” What kinds of things do you lose track of time while doing them? In Christian terms, “Heart/Passion” indicates where you are best suited to serve. When you serve in your area of passion, you are more motivated to do a great job rather than just finish.
Passion shapes your priorities, makes you adjust your schedule, steals your thoughts. When working within your passions, it excites and energizes you rather than tiring you. Passion causes you to do the unexpected.
Passion costs you time and money. You will spend time and money you don’t have on things you are passionate about.
During the class, we filled out a questionairre of eight questions designed to help you figure out what your passions are, or where they might lie. Interestingly, some people are not used to thinking about this and it was a good exercise to begin exploring that. We didn’t share our answers in class, but I think for discussion purposes here, it would be fun to hear what people are passionate about other than what comes through on the blog.
Anyway, here’s the questionairre we did. I think it will be interesting to see what people come up with, and what we can learn about each other.
1) If I were to mention your name to a group of your friends, what would THEY say you are passionate about?
2) The people you would like to help most or that you easily relate to are:
NOTE - Some examples would be: Senior Citizens, children, the poor, homeless, emotionally unhealthy, women, men, career adults, etc.3) The issues, topics, or causes that you feel strongly about are:
NOTE - Some examples would be: finances/money, abortion, parenting, addictions, mental health, poverty, politics, etc. Some of the “Christian” examples were prayer, missions, unity of churches, etc.4) If you could meet any need in the world, what would you attempt to do?
5) Brainstorm with these questions: What do you cry about? What do you lie awake at night thinking about? What do you pound the table about? What type of issues really seem to motivate you and give you energy?
6) Looking at your own life, which activities do you truly enjoy? What do you absolutely LOVE doing - you lose track of time when doing it?
7) List the top two positive experiences you’ve had in your life. Why were they meaningful? Can you identify a passion theme in any of them?
8) Write down the ten most wonderful things God could do with you, for you, through you, and in you, for the rest of your life? The dreams or desires that you have always wanted to pursue. Don’t limit your list by any obstacle or circumstance such as education, finances, location, gender, or age.
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Comment by: Jason
1 06/26/08 11:03 PM | Comment Link |1) hmm…That depends on which group of friends. Some would say my kids, some would pick green issues, or animal rights, others might choose arguing with Christians, some might say education, others civil rights. Yet more might pick housing and homelessness or healthcare but the people I work with might choose cooking or nerdy computer stuff. I rarely reveal everything about me to everyone. They’d have nothing to find out about me.
2) I’d like to help those groups who could not be accused of putting themselves into a situation. I know it’s judgmental of me but, you know, meh! So children is my group. Plus I have a vested interest as I’ve got four of my own.
3) From your list: parenting, poverty, politics. I’m particularly keen to prevent the erosion of hard won civil rights for people. I see governments slowly dismantling them and I don’t like what I see.
Also I’m keen on animal rights issues. It’s another issue that relates to innocence for me. They’ve never hurt us so why should we experiment on them, use them as slave labour and eat them. There is a truism that you can judge a man by how he treats a child or a dog.
4) Any need? Crikey! You know that their are millions right? OK, reserving the right to change my mind at a later date I’d like to ensure that everyone is free to receive a basic education. I think that education can combat the causes of wars, hunger and disease. Not in the short term but definitely in the long term.
5) What do you cry about?
Nothing. Other than chopping onions I haven’t cried in decades.
What do you lie awake at night thinking about?
Nothing, I don’t need much sleep but when I do I sleep peacefully.
What do you pound the table about?
As this is a quick fire round I’m going to say: laziness. It makes me coffee-spilling-angry.
What type of issues really seem to motivate you and give you energy?
Anything involving a protest walk. I have no idea why, perhaps I just get caught up in the mob mentality.
6) Cooking. Honestly I can spend hours trying out a new recipe. It used to be painting but I just haven’t got the time now. It’s details work that absorbs me. That’s probably why I work in computer system development.
7) The birth of my children, particularly the first time as it was entirely new. That stands out as life changing but I’ve had so much good in my life that I’m hard pressed to come up with just two.
I can think of several instances where I have surpassed my teachers. I think that this is a very positive experience both for me and for those who taught me.
I’ll have to come back to this and to the last question later.
Comment by: Jason
2 06/27/08 6:18 AM | Comment Link |7) Why was the birth of Beth meaningful and how can I identify that event with the passion theme?
I’d identify her birth and the birth of subsequent children as life changing. Literally. All the priorities that I had in my life before children were pushed back with them being put before the others or integrated into it.
Hil and I went on a public protest against the introduction of a law that we disagreed with while she was pregnant with Beth. Now that Beth is almost 13 I cannot even imagine taking her to something like that.
I’d say that another experience that was meaningful was when I went to university. Not so much the life but the living away from home for the first time. I developed friendships for their own sake and learnt a lot about myself beyond the lessons in class. I’d recommend to any child to go to university or to get a job away from home.
Both experiences let me grow up (a little anyway) and discover new things about myself. I suppose that ties in with the idea of enhancing freedoms in others and combating injustice.
8) This is tricky. Firstly I don’t believe in God in the traditional sense or in any sense really. Even if I did I’m firmly behind the idea of “God helps those who help themselves”. I wouldn’t want a god doing anything for me. I have a body, mind and will and don’t want that messed with. God doing one thing or ten things for me would diminish them. I wouldn’t have done them, God did. Does that make sense?
If there is a god and he wants to do something for me then go ahead and end a few wars, feed a few mouths and cure a few sick. I’m already doing a bit but I don’t have the infinite resources that a god is supposed to have.
Comment by: Mike O
3 06/27/08 8:02 AM | Comment Link |Thanks for playing, Jason. Have you thought about this stuff before?
I can feel your blood pressure rising.
Sweet!
One of my biggest regrets in life is that I never lived on my own or with room-mates. I went straight from living with mom and dad through college (for which I am truly grateful!) to being married and living with my wife (which I am also truly blessed that she would have me!). If I could do it over, I’d still probably live with mom and dad through college to cut expenses, but I’d live on my own for a year or two or five before getting married and taking on those responsibilities.
My son is living on campus, and he loves it!
Yeah. I fiddled with the idea of rewording that question to take God out of it, but then I wouldn’t be giving an accurate picture of the class. I think the intent of the question in the non-C perspective would have to do with being part of something bigger than yourself. Your answer fits that.
Comment by: Jason
4 06/27/08 8:57 AM | Comment Link |I’ve thought about what it is that makes me “me” but I’ve not done this particular exercise before.
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I should also add that it isn’t really laziness that annoys me but lack of interest or care, indifference. I can be lazy but only because I know that I’ll do it eventually. It’s when people try to shirk things or avoid them entirely that gets to me because then it falls to someone else to fix.
Good luck to him. My first year was a learning experience that I’ll never regret. It was also where I was taught how to make sauce. When you can make sauce you can make anything. ;)
The question 8 was tricky indeed. I’ve long ago given up on regretting anything. I’ve got a great life, not perfect but very happy. I suppose a Christian would call that blessed. :) The point is that there are little things that I’d like more of, more money, more time, a holiday, that kind of thing but compared to the poor sod I pass each day who sells the Big Issue I’m living in a mansion. It’d be wrong for me to ask for more when so many others don’t even have the basics. I’m not even talking about the starving or oppressed in Africa or the injustices in China or Cuba. I’m talking about my home town, right where I live, in one of the wealthiest nations on the planet.
Comment by: Ir (Helen)
5 06/28/08 8:40 AM | Comment Link |Jason wrote:
Wow, you have a great attitude, Jason!
Not that I didn’t think you did but I like how you expressed it in this paragraph.
Can I invite you to come cook for me? I really don’t like cooking. That is definitely not my passion.
I don’t know that I’m going to go through all the questions - here are some thoughts -
I want to help people in ways I can help - by encouraging them, giving them permission they didn’t have to do things which it’s fine to do, welcoming them, giving them useful information if I have it.
My family would probably say I’m passionate about the Internet. The main reason I like it is because people are on it - it’s a way to connect.
Going to college (I lived there) was an awesome experience for me too. Partly because I met my husband there but not just because of that. I think I must have eaten a lot of sandwiches there because I’m fairly sure I didn’t learn to cook there. That happened later when my husband went from student life to full-time work and I quit work to look after our first child. At that point dinner became my responsibility instead of my husband’s. At college he cooked for us sometimes - he had learned how during his year off (he took a year out between high school and college).
Comment by: Rev. Dan
6 06/29/08 5:31 AM | Comment Link |* Hookers
* Drugs
* Software Development
* Software Usability
* Quality
* Dumb (yet funny) Jokes
* Humanity
* Music
* Ruby
* Defamation of Willful Ignorance/Stupidity.
(In no particular order and depending on who you ask.)
* Newbies in Software Development
* Women in Technology
* People who need an ear to hear
* Struggling musicians
* The systematic destruction of Dominionism and Dominionist thinking
* Glaucoma research
* Software Development Process/Methodology
* Quality
* Being badass
I’d solve the problem of Corporate Fascism which is the root cause of a myriad of social ills.
If I could conclusively prove that Christianity is manure, I’d do that too. There’d be nothing better than liberating a tremendously large group of people from self-inflicted oppression.
I cry about the fact that there are countless people in this world who spawn instead of deliberately and intentionally having a child because of an excess of love and material resources.
My heart breaks about how cruel human beings are to each other because dogmatic religious zealots have to be “certain” and “right.”
I become furious when I think about how the United States is a fucked up Imperialist nation which quite wrongly overthrows true democracies and replaces them with either a dictator or corporate fascism.
I’m disgusted with the exploitative nature of American Christianity.
* Art
* Being Generous
* Enjoying Friends’ Company
* Masturbating / Porn
* Making Music
* Online Gaming
* Software Development
Two spring to mind (of course they’re long stories):
I’d met my first “real girlfriend” through a conference call at work. She and I ended up instant messaging and talking on the phone for hours and hours and I’d never felt so connected to anyone before, even though we lived in different states. After weeks of talking, it turned out that she’d had plane tickets to go visit someone else who was being a weenie, so I cheekily suggested that she should come visit me instead… and she did.
I hadn’t actually seen a picture of her before I met her but it really didn’t matter to me what she looked like because I was enthralled with her-the-person. I figured that as long as she didn’t have a third arm growing out of her forehead that things would be fine. :)
I ended up being late to pick her up from the airport because I’d pretty much been up the whole night cleaning my apartment and I ended up working on a sign while I was doing laundry at the laundromat. The sign said “I love you *” and had lots of affirmative words/phrases on it in multiple colors, with an almost immoral amount of glitter and shiny things. (The sign took forever and a day… and it was awesome even if I say so myself.)
I found myself running through the airport with the sign tucked under my arm like O.J. Simpson in an Avis commercial. I ran past a woman standing off to the side and realized “that’s probably her!!!” so I skidded to a halt (literally), turned around and she said “Dan???” I raced up to her and said “I’m sooo sorry I’m late, sweetie” and we had a very lovely first kiss. :)
She said “I thought maybe you’d seen me and decided that I wasn’t pretty enough or whatever and left.”
I said “absolutely not, you’re amazingly beautiful, I feel like I’ve won the lottery or something.** I’m late ’cause I was doing laundry while I was making you this…” and showed her the sign. (I got another big kiss, woot!)
We went from the airport to a nice coffee place and then walked to a nearby park where we layed on the grass looking up, holding hands and interrupting our conversation periodically to smooch.
The rest of the weekend was even better but this is as much as I’m gonna share. :)
Another of my favorite memories was from my high school graduation. My school had a long tradition of picking a “senior song” and held audtions to create a Sr. Band to play it. The year I graduated my class picked some god-awful Motley Crue song (”Time for Change” bleh) but I had really wanted to play at graduation. While the song itself was terrible, I didn’t care ’cause it was a distorted-guitar kinda song and I could totally smoke it… plus, it had a section for a guitar solo.
My guitar teacher helped me learn the song and we worked on the solo section a fair bit, with him playing the rhythm part and me soloing on top of it. (I seriously had the best, most nurturative guitar teacher ever. My mother used to say “the only time I ever see you happy is right after your guitar lessons,” to which I always mentally responded “well, duh… I just got treated like a person with value for a 1/2 hour.” I still totally have a huge place in my heart for that guy.)
I showed up for audtions, in front of the student council (pretty much most of whom didn’t like me) and I pretty much rocked it. Several people said “wow, I didn’t know that you actually played guitar.” I got the gig (maybe because I was one of the only guitarists to show up?) and my friend was slotted to play keyboards (he and I had jammed together several times, he was really fun to play with, and a good guy). The singers who got the gig were girls I knew from choir and the bass slot was filled by a technically skilled yet quite uppity girl from advanced jazz band.
Rehearsals sucked because the singers tried to change the song into a maudlin piece of dreck (which it already was) and the uppity jazz bassist kept telling me I was playing “too loud.” After having turned my amp down several times I flipped it into standby mode. Old Fender amps have a switch on the back which lets you switch off the speakers. The amp’s lights still shine and the tubes remain powered up (old tube amps glow) but absolutely no sound comes out of the amp. After having switched my amp to standby the elitist bass player told me twice: “you’re still playing too loud” and I just said “oh, sorry” and pretended to turn down the already-muted amp.
As well as having an official “Sr. Song” it’d also been a long-standing tradition at my school to have a second “surprise song.” When I was a sophomore one of my Sr. friends did the Sr. Song and asked several of us from choir (yes, I know that I should never publicly admit that I was in choir and theater, let alone that I lettered in both [and was "best actor" my Sr. year to boot]) to wear our choir robes and sing backup for the Isley Bros.’ “Shout” when they did the second “surprise song.” It’d been my dream to be a part of the Sr. Song thing at my graduation ’cause of that… so it was worth putting up with the arrogant antics of the uppity bass player and to ignore the maudlin crap the singers wanted to do for the “surprise song.” Hey it was bad enough that we were doing a crappy Motley Crue song which they were maudlin-ing up, let alone taking the treacle to the next level with a mushy Styx tune.
During rehearsals my friend and I said “we’re not playing that second song… you can play it if you want to but we’re going to sit it out.” The singers thought that was great and the bass player could also play keyboards so no big thing… other than we felt ripped off that we weren’t going to be able to do something cool instead, but at least I was going to be able to live my dream.
When graduation came we got up and played the song. When my time came I cut loose a fully acceptable improvised guitar solo. (Honestly, I’m my own worst critic and I thought it was decent a couple of years later when I was watching the graduation video.) The keyboard player and I sat down immediately afterwards and said “wow, that kinda sucked but this is going to be a disastrous spectacle…” The singers announced “ok everybody, get ready to cry…” and broke out into their song.
They’d been right to warn everybody, ’cause it was indeed tear-inducing… the kind of tears one produces when exposed to immoral sonic torture. It wasn’t just bad, it was a travesty… hideous is much too kind of a word to describe what happened after we’d sat down and they commanded the mic and keyboard. It was the kind of performance which would make one prefer to go to Abu Gharib than have to sit through again.
Backing up a minute… there’d been a cool, yet very “different” guy I’d known throughout High School who I’d ended up in several classes with, but I remember that we’d met in P.E. He was the first-to-last guy picked by one of the P.E. football teams and I was the last guy picked. We ended up standing off to the side of the field talking, figuring that since we sucked so bad that they wouldn’t miss us and since we were on opposite teams that we just kinda cancelled each other out. Net loss == zed.***
I remember our first conversation involved him telling me about having seen “A Clockwork Orange” and he was trying to explain it but all I remembered was that he was a kinda weird guy telling me about what sounded like a very weird movie and the whole thing was kinda surreal. He and I became friends, but never particularly close friends. He always wore a Yokohama hat (a brand of high-performance tires… ala NASCAR) and I often called him “Yoko Homo” or “Yoko Ono.” If you’ve seen Wayne’s World, he’s almost exactly like Wayne… literally. Schwing!
Anyhow, after the second senior song was over we headed back to our seats. My Yokohama-hat wearing friend jumped up on his chair in his graduation robe and screamed “Daaaaaan!” at the top of his lungs and made the heavy metal hand gesture at me. It was a welcome contrast to everybody else’s shell-shocked expression.
When we were returning the robes to get our real diplomas (they give you fake ones during the ceremony) an administrator I had really liked/admired (he’d been really supportive of me and was an awesome guitar player) said to me… “I don’t remember the second Sr. Song ever having been so bad… and the Sr. Song itself totally sucked… until the guitar solo. That was a really good solo, Dan. I really mean that.”
After I got my diploma I met up with my parents who both said “you’re such a loser that we’re both really amazed that you actually graduated. Congratulations. You need to get your stuff out of our house and find somewhere else to live tomorrow. Have fun at Grad Night.” I managed to beg them to let me stay with them until I got a job, but I wasn’t able to magically pull a job out of my hat so they kicked me out a few days later.
I lived in my car until one night when my friend snuck me into his parents’ house and let me sleep on the couch. His mom came into the den that morning and woke me up. She asked “Danny, are you ‘living’ here? Did you parents kick you out?” I nodded and she said “ok, well we’ll get you a house key and you need to show up at 6pm for dinner. You need to find a job and a place to live but you can stay here until you do… hopefully that just means a month or so.”
The reason that my high school graduation is one of my favorite memories is because I was able to work hard towards something that I wanted and was able to do it. It didn’t matter that the song sucked, that the band members sucked (’cept for my buddy), or that my parents sucked. Two people whom I liked and admired congratulated me for living my dream, as lame or as simple as that dream was. I had managed to do something that mattered to me. I did something that I had wanted to do because I had wanted to do it. For somebody with my background that had been a Herculean accomplishment.
It was also amazingly awesome for my friend’s mom to let me stay with them. She wasn’t necessarily the greatest parent in the world but their family showed me more acceptance and compassion than my parents ever did. I found a job and was able to move out of their house a few weeks later. I’m pretty sure I would have ended up dead or in jail (out of desperation) if they hadn’t shown me that kindness.
The top 10 things “God could do for me” would all basically be for God to go shove off and completely leave me alone. I’m exhausted from having to root out all the horse manure people with good intentions have dumped on me in the name of God. I’m exhausted from having to overcome the false beliefs (the Bible is true, Jesus Christ was a historical person and lived/died/rose again the third day, etc., etc.) perpetuated in the Bible (it’s a collection of stories, not an actual history, etc.). I’m exhausted by trying to figure out which bits of my life are worth keeping and which need to go. I’m tired of having to deal with God’s plan to make my life a living Hell.
If we reframe the question as “what would you accomplish in life if there were no obstacles that you can’t overcome” and toss out the imaginary figures part:
I’d do what I’m doing now but with more time and resources. I’m finally at a point in my life where I’m truly starting to become comfortable with who I am, and I think I can root through the past and will eventually be able to exorcise “the Jesus demon” as well as the abusive parenting. I don’t know that I’ll ever be “normal,” but I’m getting closer to being able to have more depth in my interpersonal relationships.
Long-term, I just want to be badass. Literally, the type of person who is so awesome at what they do and who they are that other people point at ‘em and say “that dude is straight-up badass.” I don’t really need that kind of approval, but it’d be a nice bonus.
I’m looking forward to the day when I find someone who chooses to love me and who can deal with all my baggage and bullshit. That’ll be a good day.
* not literally “” of course…
** This was no “line,” I truly meant it. She was very, very beautiful on the outside but especially on the inside. I found a little framed picture of her the other day when I was cleaning my apartment and I honestly hadn’t remembered how beautiful she was.
*** That one’s for you, Jason! :)
****If you’re into self-abuse (or just really, really bad music), here’s a link to Motley Crue’s “Time for Change.” http://youtube.com/watch?v=YPA7nJscUpI
Comment by: Jason
7 06/29/08 2:21 PM | Comment Link |I’ve heard a few times that “zed” is a Britishism for zero or nothing but only from Americans. I’ve never heard it from an Englishman, Welshman or Scot. In fact the only “zed” I do know about is the last letter of the alphabet that distinctly does not rhyme with “sea”.
Thanks for the thought though. ;)
Where does the interest in eyes come from?
I appreciate your passion for fighting the oppression of corporate monsters and government. I can’t remember where I read it but someone said that the two biggest threats to world peace were tribalism (nationalism, mega corporations, etc) and religion. I tend to agree with a few reservations because people tend to focus on their group at the expense of the other groups. Do away with the groups and labels and you’ve taken a step towards peace. That’s the theory anyway.
I also like that you got the greatest joy out of doing something that you wanted to do and not what was expected of you. I think that we’re all the same in that regard. Getting people to buy into an idea yields far greater returns than coercion or enticement. Would that government and churches could just understand this basic characteristic of human nature. Governments particularly seem to think that hiding what they do and assuming support from the citizenry is acceptable. Transparency isn’t adopted because they have something to hide. If governments were really transparent and justified their decisions they’d likely gain more support from the people and be much more effective in governing.
Finally, Motley Crue? What were they thinking?
Comment by: Ir (Helen)
8 06/29/08 3:26 PM | Comment Link |Thanks for your comment Dan. I’m glad you got to do the guitar solo.
I hope you’re able to accomplish what you want to and that you can find someone who isn’t put off loving you by the stuff you’ve been through.
I was going to say that zed is the English pronunciation of the letter Z but I haven’t heard it used in England to mean ‘zero’ unless that usage has cropped up in the twenty or so years since I’ve lived in the US. But Jason beat me to it. :)
Comment by: Rev. Dan
9 06/29/08 5:29 PM | Comment Link |Perhaps “zed” isn’t a Britishism but an Australianism? My ignorant Americanism definitely confuses the two. If I can find an example of “zed” being a Britishism I’ll post it. Maybe that’s just something that exists in my own fanciful imagination… who knows? :)
My interest in vision issues comes from direct experience. God has gifted me with craptastic genetics and I’ve worn coke-bottle-thick glasses since Second Grade (~ 7 years old). I had two surgeries for a retinal detachment in January 2007 and during that process I was also diagnosed with glaucoma.
If you haven’t had an eye exam in the past year please do have one, regardless of how well you see, because intraocular pressure can be easily measured and early detection of glaucoma is simple. You should have your vision checked at least once a year and glaucoma screening literally takes less than five minutes.
For those who are unfamiliar with glaucoma it’s a disease (more technically a set of related conditions/diseases) which has no known direct cause and for which there is currently no cure. Glaucoma causes excessively high intraocular pressure (intraocular == inside the eye) which causes permanent and irreversible damage to the optic nerve. It’s also a very silent disease which has no discernible effects until there’s already significant vision loss, at which point it’s already too late. Glaucoma doesn’t cause pain and doesn’t cause immediate significant vision loss… it’s a very slow-moving disease with permanent and irreversible effects.
I’m very fortunate to have had the retinal detachment because it led to a relatively early identification of my glaucoma and I’ve been receiving treatment for it. I have sustained pretty significant damage to both of my eyes (in addition to the damage/vision loss from the retinal detachment in my right eye) but I’m still very fortunate that I still have a reasonably large field of vision. Glaucoma seems to destroy the part of the optical nerve which is responsible for peripheral vision first, gradually narrowing one’s field of vision.
An outstanding resource for understanding glaucoma is the Glaucoma Research Foundation ( http://glaucoma.org ) which funds glaucoma research and also provides educational information. Immediately after I was diagnosed I called the Glaucoma Research Foundation and a very lovely person called me back and talked with me for well over an hour about the state of glaucoma research, treatment options, and all kinds of related stuff. I personally feel that they’re a very worthwhile organization to support and am planning to contribute financially when I’m able to do so (I’ve been unemployed since Feb. of this year) in addition to pursuing additional support via fundraising activities (if anyone has any pragmatic suggestions/ideas about how to fundraise, I’d love to hear them).
One of the things that strikes me about glaucoma in particular is that it’s a very unnecessary disease and I’m surprised that glaucoma research isn’t further down the path to understanding and curing it. I recall that the person from the Glaucoma Research Foundation said that there are only a handful of researchers who have been provided adequate funding levels to conduct the research.
It also occurs to me that pharmaceutical companies do not have a financial incentive to invest in glaucoma research as the medications used for glaucoma treatment (eyedrops, in my case) are very expensive and the provision of a cure would remove the financial benefit for pharmaceutical companies who manufacture treatment medication. For example, as a non-employed person without health coverage I pay almost $200 a month for my treatment, which is a non-trivial sum for someone in my situation.* By my back-of-the-envelope calculations that’s almost half a billion dollars a year from glaucoma patients in the U.S. alone which is going to treatment instead of research towards a cure.
I don’t know of very many U.S. corporations who are willing to give up hundreds of millions of dollars in profits for the sake of reducing human suffering. Corporations are, by definition, legal entities whose sole responsibility is shareholder profit. I personally wish that corporations were legal entities whose primary responsibility was social responsibility (at the very least in the sense of not harming humanity) and whose secondary goal was profit. You can say that I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. :)
Over 3 million Americans have glaucoma and approximately half of those 3 million people haven’t been diagnosed and aren’t receiving treatment so they’re very slowly and very surely going blind. There’s a common misconception that glaucoma primarly affects only the elderly, but glaucoma has been observed in people of all ages, all social statuses, and all ethnic backgrounds. It’s an equal-opportunity destroyer although statistically glaucoma does seem to affect folks of African ethnic descent moreso than those of European descent. If I’m remembering correctly, a larger percentage of folks of African ethnic descent remain undiagnosed compared to other ethnic groups and this could well be because of socio-economic factors.
A further reason vision-related issues matter to me is that my grandmother had significant vision issues which were very complicated and she took part in experimental surgeries and treatments which we hope had a positive affect towards furthering vision-related research and treatments. I have a lot of respect and love for her because she was willing to endure a lot of medical trauma in hopes of a literal medical miracle and was willing to be a “guinea pig” to benefit humanity. She wasn’t a perfect person, but she definitely gave of herself in ways that most folks do not.
I love and respect her for a number of other reasons as well and I still miss her very much. She had a massive brain hemorrhage when I was in high school and I was the last person to see her while she was still conscious. I’m so grateful that the last thing I said to her was “I love you Olly.” It’s sooo important to frequently tell people you love that you love them.
A lot of people joke about marijuana being a “glaucoma treatment” (I certainly have) but the truth is that marijuana actually does has positive effects in the treatment of glaucoma. According to the lady at the Glaucoma Research Foundation whom I spoke with, consumption of marijuana has the effect of allowing vitreous fluid to be released from the eye which reduces intraocular pressure. She also said that it’s a relatively ineffective treatment when compared to eyedrops or surgical procedures to widen the eye ducts since one would have to consume large amounts of marijuana to achieve the same level of benefit that eyedrops or surgery provides.
She further said that marijuana has been shown to be most effective in the treatment of nausea and can, for example, be a very useful medication for cancer patients who are going through chemotherapy. I personally think that it’s sad that a useful natural substance has been criminalized and socially demonized especially here in the United States where alcohol consumption, which has no known medicinal value, is entirely common.
According to the Bible God made all things and called all things “good.” Glaucoma is yet another example of “God’s good creation” which I have non-trivial issues with. Why did God create a disease which silently and permanently erodes one of the senses, negating possible joy and full experience of already short human lives? Doesn’t this show that God is incompetent or playing destructive games with humanity? It’s yet another example of why I think the whole story about God, especially the version of God described in the Bible, is a load of horsepuckey. If God has a “plan” or “purpose” for my life (which is something I’ve heard a majority of Christians assert at various points, and which the questions Mike posted above suggest), why does it involve so much seemingly unneeded suffering and misery… especially on a biological level? If God is “good” and all of “His creation” is good, then doesn’t this suggest that God himself is diseased and corrupt?
I’m not asking these things as purely rhetorical questions, I’d really like to hear what “Christians” or “Christ Followers” or “” have to say about this.
Lastly, I appreciate the fact that you all are so tolerant of my need to self-express and allow me to continue to post here. I know I should probably just start my own “Rev. Dan’s personal issues blog” or something, but meh. Thank you for listening/reading. :)
* Almost every time I go in to the pharmacy to pick up my medication I ask “why is this stuff so expensive… is it made from the distilled testicles of virgin albino baby seals who only live in a remote and hotly-contested area in the far reaches of the South Pole or something?” Sometimes the person behind the counter at the pharmacy shakes their head and laughs.
Comment by: Rev. Dan
10 06/29/08 5:33 PM | Comment Link |> Motley Crue? What were they thinking?
I dunno mang, I don’t think I’ll ever understand or be able to relate to my generation. As far as I’m concerned Motley Crue was a huge festering boil on the forehead of Hair Metal.
Comment by: Ir (Helen)
11 06/29/08 7:19 PM | Comment Link |Rev. Dan, I’m sorry to hear about your eye problems.
I was wondering why you mentioned glaucoma too but I forgot to ask. I’m glad Jason did.
Comment by: Rev. Dan
12 06/29/08 8:35 PM | Comment Link |Thanks Helen, but truthfully my eyes are only a small part of “my problem.” :)
I like your kind affirmations… they’re very nice.
Comment by: Jason
13 06/30/08 3:38 AM | Comment Link |There are a number of fund raising methods from jumble sales to jumping out of an plane. Of course you have to compete with a million other charities who all want a finite pot of money for their cause. You’re better off trying to raise awareness by writing to your political representative. You might get lucky and find one who cares rather than one who only works in politics for the money and power. There may be a support group or pressure group for government funding that you could add your voice to. In England we can start a petition on the government website. I don’t know if the US or other nations have anything similar.
Is the glaucoma test the air jet thing? Like an eye fart? Sorry but that’s how it seems. It’s quick and painless and should really be free.
Comment by: Rev. Dan
14 06/30/08 10:16 AM | Comment Link |Jason, there are several tests involved in diagnosing glaucoma… the “eye fart” one (that’s a pretty apt description) is called Air-Puff Tonometry. It’s reasonably accurate for general screening but in my case I always get “Contact Tonometry” which is more accurate/precise.
There are a number of factors which can affect intraocular pressure (IOP), including the thickness of one’s cornea. If one’s cornea is thicker than “normal” then the IOP reading can be superficially low, if thinner then superficially high. Pachymetry is the 10-cent name for the corneal thickness measuring process and it’s also very quick, simple, and painless.
I’m also s’posed to have a test done two times a year which produces a map/graph of my retina… I don’t remember what it’s called, but it’s also pretty quick and it’s definitely painless.
The standard thing for me when I visit my Opthamologists* is to have some eyedrops put in and they use a pen-like device which they touch to my cornea to measure IOP. I find the pen-like device to be far more comfortable than the air-puff device… the puff of air usually is a little bit uncomfortable/startling, but the eyedrops put in before they use the pen device desensitize my eye and therefore I don’t feel the instrument on my cornea at all.
“Normal” IOP ranges from 10 to 21 mmHg. Optometrists can definitely do the basic screenings, but IMHO it’s best to see an Opthamologist if your IOP is in the high teens or greater. My IOP, while on three** eye medications, is usually in the high teens. After my detachment surgeries (my retina re-detached so I got to go back a week later for surgery #2) my IOP was > 30 so I had vitreous fluid removed with a syringe. As hideous as that sounds, it wasn’t that bad.
The last time I visited my primary Opthamologist’s office I threw down a PC magazine and told him that I was sick and tired of all his poking and prodding and demanded to know why he hadn’t recommended bionic implants… ’cause I wanna be the Six Million Dollar Dan. He laughed. :)
I totally agree that glaucoma screenings should be free, and there are a lot of Opthamologists who donate their time to do free screenings. I think they rule! :)
* Most Opthamologists specialize in either the cornea or the retina, so I have two Opthamologists. My primary Opthamologist is Dr. Robert E. Neger, and Dr. Amr A. Dessouki fixed my retinal detachment. If you live in the San Jose, CA area and need an outstanding eye doctor, I can’t recommend either of them highly enough. They’re both incredibly thorough, professional, and caring doctors. I have a big place in my heart for both of ‘em.
Dr. Neger is actually so thorough that he refers me to general practitioners and gives me stern, yet caring lectures about how important it is to lose weight, lower my blood pressure, etc., etc. Dr. Dessouki is so awesome that when Dr. Neger had referred me to him he stayed in the office late to see me… on his birthday. I love doctors who really, really care about their patients.
** I use one medication 1 time/day, at bedtime and the other two medications are delivered together in one eyedrop 2 times/day. Three eyedrops a day in each eye really isn’t a big deal to cope with/manage… it’s become very routine and is non-invasive. It’s just very expensive without health insurance. I’m worried that the next insurance plan I’m on will classify my glaucoma as an “pre-existing condition” and will refuse to cover my medications.
Comment by: Jason
15 07/1/08 8:05 AM | Comment Link |The National Health Service (NHS) in England once upon a time used to offer free eye and dental checks for everyone. Now only children get free eye-care and it’s practically a miracle if you can find a dentist at all let alone an NHS one. I think that the NHS is a fantastic idea that makes access to medicine a right for citizens rather than a privilege.
I had eye surgery three years ago to correct a squint. It wasn’t serious but I was getting double vision and it made me very self conscious when looking at people. I hated having them look over their own shoulders wondering what I was looking at.
Technically the procedure of shortening some of the eye muscles of both eyes was cosmetic surgery. I certainly wasn’t at risk of going blind or having a marked reduction in my quality of life. On the NHS I got the surgery, the pre-care and after-care for free. I had to wait for about 18 months for it but I could certainly live with that.
Having a large man with a knife, needle and thread and the biggest hands* I’ve ever seen play about with my eyes is one of the scariest memories that I have but I’d do it again if I needed to. I’d prefer bionic eyes though. I’ve even got the Lee Majors squint and the slow motion running mastered.
The nurses who took care of me were wonderful. I just don’t have the patience with people to give that much care to them and I have an enormous amount of respect for those who work in these professions. I’ve got a couple of friends who are nurses. One is still in training but the other has been doing it for years. She spent some time on a cancer ward. There isn’t a high recovery rate there and caring for people who are dying and who know that they are dying is just beyond me. The nurses in the hospice where my mother died were great as well and they do that all the time. I’d be howling at the moon within a week if I had that kind of job.
They really must have a passion for helping people. I know that it’s much more than just a job for them.
*The surgeon who took out my wisdom teeth also had giant sized hands. He had massively muscled arms as well, more like a builder than a doctor. I’m convinced that surgeons are secretly circus strongmen and that the TV portrayals of skinny doctors are woefully inaccurate.
Comment by: Rev. Dan
16 07/2/08 12:09 AM | Comment Link |Re: “zed == 0″:
I think “z” or “zed” and “zero” or “0″ are somewhat linked, but I stand corrected that it’s neither a Britishism nor an Australianism. Wikipedia, the world’s only reliable source for completely accurate and truly authoritative information, says [1]:
The source code for Kismet says [2]:
But that’s clearly an assignment and not an equality comparison. [3]
From lookin’ ’round on the intertubes it appears that “zed” and “zero” are fairly frequently used together, as in “zed zero.” [4]
I think the reason I associate “zed” as being “0″ and being British is because of the Peter Greenaway film A Zed & Two Noughts [5].
It took me forever to figure that out, but woot!… mystery solved! Seriously, this was buggin’ me.
Ok, I’m headed back into my shell now… :)
1) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zed
2) http://svn.kismetwireless.net/code/branch/kismet-newcore/filtercore.cc
3) Yeah, that’s a lame “geek joke.” :) Single equal signs (=) are usually used to assign values to variables in most programming languages and double equal signs are commonly used to indicate equality of values (==). Triple equal signs commonly indicate that objects are identical (===).
4) http://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=zed+zero
5) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Zed_&_Two_Noughts
Comment by: Mike O
17 07/2/08 6:52 PM | Comment Link |Sorry I disappeared from my own post - I started my job this week so I’ve been a bit preoccupied.
Thanks for your reply, Dan. I still haven’t read all of it (I’m waiting for the hard-cover edition ;) but I’m working on it.
Obviously, your sensibilities run counter to my own, but I can tell you really did put a lot of thought into your reply and I appreciate that.
Comment by: Mike O
18 07/6/08 3:31 PM | Comment Link |This one is a lot of work, but you can make several thousand dollars in a couple of weeks. TNT Fireworks sells their fireworks through organizations doing fundraisers. Your organization takes responsibility for a location (typically, a very large tent) and you get to keep a certain percentage of the proceeds. This year, our church did two tents and raised about $7,000 at each location (minus some expenses). It’s a LOT of work, but it’s for a short period of time (typically two weeks leading up to Independance day) and I think the warmer climates they also do things for New Year’s Eve, but I’m not sure about that.
Comment by: Mike O
19 07/6/08 3:44 PM | Comment Link |I’d be willing to use one of my Thursday’s for this. It could be an engaging topic! I’ve actually got a gap between weeks 4 and 5 of my series, and was wondering what I would write on.